How is a Good Father Made?

"Fatherless" America
In the 1960s, a U.S. census revealed that 9% of children came from single-parent households. By 2000, this figure had risen to 28%, meaning nearly one in three children came from single-parent homes. Statistics from 2022 show similar numbers, with 30% of children under 14 growing up in single-parent households. In China, 43% of first marriages end in divorce within 15 years, and around one million children experience the pain of parental separation each year (Note 1).

The Trauma of Fatherlessness
Reports indicate that children abandoned by their fathers, or those with unsuccessful fathers, suffer significant emotional trauma. Not only are they more likely to be impoverished compared to children living with their fathers, but the lack of a positive father figure, witnessing parental arguments and divorce, deeply affects their emotional well-being. Consequently, they are more prone to emotional distress, low self-esteem, depression, isolation, and may resort to alcohol, promiscuity, gang involvement, legal troubles, drug abuse, and self-destructive behaviors to cope with their inner pain. They are also at risk of dropping out of school, developing negative views of marriage, struggling to maintain healthy relationships with the opposite sex, and becoming single parents themselves affecting their own children adversely.
A more startling report from 1987 by the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics shows that 70% of juvenile offenders were born into single-parent (fatherless) or otherwise broken homes (Note 2). According to the 2002 U.S. Department of Justice statistics, among 7,000 male inmates, 39% grew up without a father, with 46% having family members who were imprisoned and 20% having fathers who were also criminals. The statistics for female offenders are even more alarming: 80% of offenders and 82% of teenage mothers come from fatherless families (Note 3). This clearly highlights the crucial role of fathers, which should not be underestimated.

What Makes a Good Father?
So, how can one become a good father? A good father has many characteristics, but here are a few key ones:

1. A Good Father is Law-Abiding and Upright
As the saying goes, "The beam is not straight if the column is crooked." A good father must set a good example by being law-abiding and upright. He must lead a clean life, avoiding bad habits such as gambling, intoxication, drug use, and pornography. He should demonstrate integrity, kindness, and loyalty, setting a positive example for his children. If you want your children to be loving, you must be a loving and compassionate person yourself. If you want them to work hard, you must also be diligent in all things. If you want them to honor their parents, you must respect your own and your spouse's parents. If you want them to be honest, you must be a person of integrity.

2. A Good Father Cherishes His Spouse and Protects His Marriage and Family
It is often said that the best gift a father can give his children is to love their mother. In other words, a good father must first be a good husband. He cherishes his wife, committed to upholding his marriage vows through both poverty and wealth, sickness and health. He understands that infidelity is a major cause of marital breakdown, so he strives to protect his marriage and avoids the temptations of extramarital affairs. With the advancement of technology, social media has become a breeding ground for infidelity. Many seek excitement by interacting with new and old acquaintances online, which can lead to temptation and entanglement. Surprisingly, the world's largest social networking site, Facebook, has become a major disruptor of marriages in the U.S., with 20% of divorces linked to it (Note 4).
To ensure a happy marriage, remember to "guard your heart above all else." Be cautious about social interactions, especially with the opposite sex. If we are careless and flirt with temptation, we will fall into Satan's trap, leading to marital breakdown and regrets. Additionally, a good father is considerate of his wife's hard work, protects his family from hardship, and respects his spouse’s family as well as his own. Remember, loving parents set a good example, and their guidance is most effective. In contrast, parents who quarrel and create conflicts make their children reluctant to return home, and their discipline lacks credibility.

3. A Good Father Balances Firmness with Kindness
A good father is kind-hearted, honest, and consistent in his actions. He is a role model who cannot be swayed by wealth or poverty and is unwavering in his principles. He is compassionate, open-minded, and visionary. When making decisions, he is willing to communicate openly with his family, listen to their opinions calmly, even if he does not always adopt their suggestions. As a result, his family respects and follows his decisions. Such a father is the true "head of the household."

How Should Parents Teach Their Children?

1. Good Parents Are Fair and Impartial
Some parents show favoritism towards certain children based on their looks, intelligence, or academic performance, leading to biased rewards and punishments. Others may favor sons over daughters, especially in education, causing sibling discord and resentment. Some parents, unable to discipline their children, indulge them excessively, leading to spoiled behavior and legal troubles. For example, the murderer of Taiwanese celebrity Bai Bingbing's daughter, Chen, was excessively pampered by his grandmother and was eventually executed for murder.

2. Good Parents Teach According to Age and Administer Fair Rewards and Punishments
Parents should tailor their teaching to the child's age, focusing on character development such as reverence for God, respect for parents, respect for elders, honesty, integrity, love, and compassion. Good character and habits should be nurtured from a young age. As children grow older, parents should allow them to make decisions in certain matters to cultivate responsibility.
When teaching, parents should practice what they preach. Avoid making exaggerated threats or statements you cannot uphold, such as "If you do that again, I'll kill you." Children see through empty threats. Moreover, avoid having arguments with your spouse in front of the children, which may leave them confused. Parents should cooperate, sometimes taking turns to be the "bad cop" and the "good cop," focusing on the child's benefit and providing explanations, rather than personal attacks or rehashing old mistakes.
Discipline should be fair, avoiding punishment driven by anger or excessive physical punishment. Excessive corporal punishment, like hitting or using objects, is harmful and can cause serious injury. A case in point is a young Chinese mother who, in a fit of rage, slammed her daughter's head against a wall, causing fatal brain bleeding. The mother was later legally punished and lived with deep regret. If corporal punishment is necessary, use a rolled-up newspaper and only strike the hands, never the head or face, and never use objects to hit children. Punishment should be rare, focusing on counseling as children grow older. If parents make mistakes in discipline, they should apologize to their children, which fosters respect as only upright and brave parents would admit fault.

3. Good Parents are Kind and Encourage Gently
Good parents are understanding and tolerant, using kind words and encouragement. Harsh or demeaning language only pushes children towards self-destructive behavior. Avoid calling children names like "idiot" or "fool," and never compare them to others, as it damages their self-esteem.

4. Good Parents Invest Time in Their Children
Some parents are overly focused on work and neglect quality time with their children, believing that providing material wealth is sufficient. However, children value time spent with parents, understanding their challenges and aspirations. Good parents listen to their children, act as good friends, and engage in discussions, reasoning, and humor. During heart-to-heart conversations, remember to "be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger." Family meals, talks, walks, and weekend outings are valuable for building strong connections.

5. Good Parents Teach According to Biblical Truths
In today's society, moral standards are often unclear with money, personal freedom, premarital sex, one-night stands, casual sex, cohabitation, and even issues like homosexuality and gender transition being normalized. Parents should use the unchanging truths of the Bible to teach their children, helping them discern right from wrong and live a life pleasing to God, full of justice, compassion, and beneficial to society. Parents should pray for their children and themselves, asking for wisdom to raise their God-given heritage. Remember, God is the true master of our children; parents are merely stewards. Therefore, do not impose your dreams on your children or make career and marriage decisions based on personal preferences. This could lead to a fractured parent-child relationship, which is very regrettable.

6. Good Parents Give Their Best to Their Children

The best things in life are not money or pleasure, as these are fleeting and lack eternal value. The greatest and most precious gift is the salvation offered by Jesus Christ. Parents should not only accept Jesus Christ’s salvation for themselves but also guide their children to God. I remember after my father came to faith, his life changed dramatically. He pursued truth diligently, delighted in daily devotions, read the Bible countless times, and committed to living according to the truth. He frequently wrote for the magazine "Direction" and encouraged his  children, who are believers, to love the Lord more, constantly evangelizing to my older siblings. One winter evening, despite the bitter cold, my elderly father insisted that we go out with him to evangelize to my older sister, who had just finished work. Before leaving, he reminded us, "Speak less idly, and focus on evangelism." Later, my sister came to faith, and my father was filled with joy and gratitude. I cherish the times we worshiped together as a family (my mother had already passed away) and value my father's teachings and reminders about the preciousness of salvation. As the Bible says, "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved" (Acts 4:12). When children have the assurance of eternal life, forgiveness of sins, and the Holy Spirit dwelling within them as their constant help, their lives become meaningful and abundant, which is every parent’s desire!
(Note 1 to Note 4, internet search)